2. Well Done

I like eating meat; in fact I love eating meat.  The juice oozing out of a perfectly cooked medium rare steak mixing in with mashed potatoes is one of the best meals I can ask for.   When I go up to a table and ask what my guests would like for dinner and they reply “the sirloin steak” I feel an immediate carnivorous connection with this person.  Then I ask the most important question of the night, “How would you like it cooked?”  When the reply is “Well done.”  My stomach starts to turn, and usually if they order it well done they will also add, “ I mean no pink in the steak I like it really, really well done.” 

EWWWW!

Basically they are asking for a piece of dried leather that hurts your jaw to even chew.  In the old days people cooked food “well done” because proper sanitary measure weren’t a common practice. Cooking food well done ensured that there would be no bacteria in the meat.  Luckily for us in this day and age we have the proper sanitary measures like refrigeration and preparation to make sure that a steak does not need to be cooked down to the texture of a Slim Jim for it to be safe to eat.

With that being said, I asked my dear friend who will remain as “Chef Anonymous” why he gets aggravated when he reads a ticket order that says “well done.”

“From a nutritional point of view, even if steak is cooked the right way and it is prepared “well done” without drying the shit out of it, it loses most, if not all, of the protein that a steak has to offer to the human body.”-Chef Anonymous

Also I would like to point out that when you order a steak “well done” it takes approximately twenty minutes for it to be cooked. Chef Anonymous would also like to address this, “ If you are in a restaurant and you order a sixteen ounce steak, don’t expect it to come out in less than twenty minutes, unless you like the bitter and rancid taste of charred flesh.  Also, don’t give a hard time to your server for it taking so long.  After all you are the one who ordered it that way ASSHOLE!!!”

To conclude, stop tapping your feet impatiently, looking at your watch, and “reminding” your server that you have a game to catch at the Garden.  After all, you are the one who put yourself in this carnivorous mess. Not only are you asking to eat a piece of dried out leather but to chefs and servers throughout the industry, you have less brain power than that of the steer that you are eating.

Well done!